Final Poem ReflectionIn some of my earlier drafts, I had been writing about depression and self-harm in the way that everyone would probably write about. The usual cutting, not eating, feeling sad and crying a lot. One of the lines was “Drowning in despair, filling me with pain / As if my lungs were filling up with rain.” I look back at the rough drafts, and I’m glad that I moved on from that poem and was able to create my final one. But over one weekend, I got some inspiration and began writing some random little couplets or stanzas on what I was thinking about. I was trying to dig deep and get the feelings that are actually felt. I had a pretty feeling-full poem, but it didn’t have the full effect that I had been hoping for. So then I went to Lori, and was told to combine them. After I did that, the poem was stronger. One of the stanzas that I am really proud of is “Try to fight the feeling of nothing,/ Growing like a seed in sunlight/ The roots digging into my skin /Leaves pushing through my scalp.” I had started to add more metaphors to create a better image in everyone’s mind.
For my first poem, I had gotten some inspiration from Eminem’s movie, “8 Mile” with the gang violence and trying to get free from that life and make life better for themselves. The perspective of my main character was a little boy who depended on books to help him escape the world around him. Then I had him grow up surround by all the gangs and their violence. For example, “The dark cover of night, lite by only dim lights,/A gang fight is happening soon, tensions in the air,/ No kids are a loud outside tonight, mothers are fearful./” I changed this in my poem because I didn’t feel like it was reaching the audience on a deeper, more personal meaning then I had been hoping. My final draft had nothing to with the violence in the world, but more to do with inner-war and what depression feels like to some people. “The rope, a hug from a close friend, /Slowly constricting, loving the contact. / The want to kick the chair/ Is slowly growing stronger/” I didn’t just change my perspective of the poem but also how I had placed it on the page. I did four line stanzas that were almost the same length instead of the story-like poem of my first draft. I am really glad that I made all these changes to my poem to something that I could relate to more than gangs. The second change that I made to my new poem was that I dropped the rhyme scheme. I had originally thought that a poem needs some sort of rhyming, but rhyming really limits your word choice. I had sent my poem to Lori and a group of students to get their feedback and critiques. They all told me to get rid of the rhyme scheme because it was condensing my word choice and sometimes the words might not even rhyme when spoken out loud. An example of both those critiques is “Laying on the carpet, my chest feeling empty / Having no idea how to be free. / Tears slowly cascade down my cheeks, / They’ve been building up for weeks.” When I had been writing this, all the words were rhyming and made sense, but when I started to read it out loud, I noticed where the words didn’t match up. For my final draft, I still had the same line count and grouping, but I took out all of the rhyming except for the final two lines, where the rhyming was really emotional. “Always covering the marks, etched into the skin/ Lying and saying you’ve eaten already /A quick slice, like a knife through butter /But no one would ever think of me as a cutter.” I left that rhyme bit in because I feel like it really let the audience know the poems over but the feelings still remain. Finally, the third most important change that I made to my poem was that I added some stanzas that were both the physical feeling and the mental feeling that people with depression go through. I had written a few different drafts of my poem, and I showed my two favorite ones to Lori. She liked parts of each one, and told me to combine both of them. I then mixed the stanzas so that one would be mental, next would be physical, then so on and so forth. Before, my poem had just been about the physical side of it, “Always covering the marks, etched into the skin /Lying and saying you’ve eaten already/Pretending that the night before, /You hadn’t been thinking of hanging from the fan.” The more thought provoking stanzas were about trying to get out of your own flesh or attempting to feel normal again. But then I combined both of my poems and came out with my final poem. |
The Danger ZoneThe thought is always tempting,
A slice too deep, one too many pills. The gun cold, resting like a sleeping snake. A sudden twitch and it will be all over. Basic daily actions soak up all your energy, A simple smile to a stranger feels forced, Out of place with your features. My inner-battery is draining low. The rope, a hug from a close friend, Slowly constricting, loving the contact. The want to kick the chair Is slowly growing stronger Try to fight the feeling of nothing, Growing like a seed in sunlight The roots digging into my skin Leaves pushing through my scalp. The child-proof lock can’t keep me out Squeezing the sides of the lid and tipping it over The blue pills fall into my hand, a silent whisper Lying in my hands, promising a restful sleep. Blame the cat’s claws, others blame rose bushes But the one who committed the crime, Innocently lying on the counter, by the sink In your shower, your bathroom, Always covering the marks, etched into the skin Lying and saying you've eaten already A quick slice, like a knife through butter, But no one would ever think of me as a cutter. |
Project Reflection
For this project, we had to pick a topic inside of globalization and get an opinion about it. The topics varied from the mafia to human trafficking to WAFTA. After we picked our topic, we had to write our thesis and start researching the broad-topic to figure out what we wanted to write about. With our completed research, we began to write. All the Op-Eds went through extreme critiques from our classmates and Lori. After we got back the critiques from our peers, Lori began to show us what political cartoons can look like and we would pick them all apart, to figure out what makes a cartoon get it’s point across. We finally did cartoon critiques throughout the classroom. The due date was Thursday, so we had around a week to refine both the Op-Eds and cartoons. My main takeaway from this project was that sex trafficking has been happening for years and is happening everywhere in the world. I never realized that the sex trafficking was happening in American also, and it freaked my out that it was happening to girls my age and younger. Looking back at my cartoon, I have made some really drastic changes. My first draft had been an entire spider web that was split in two, with spiders communication with a computer but my final was a before/after technology for sex trafficking. My cartoon now has the spiders still, but they are in the bottom half of the page, representing the now portion. For the past, I put two scantily-clad women who are competing for business. Then in the background, there are two men in shadows, hiding down the alleyway watching the girls. Finally, for the writing piece had a few restrictions on it, like it needed to be between 750 and 1000 words. This was somewhat difficult for me because I like to add details and I add a lot of ‘fluff’ to my writings. This is why technical writing is hard for me. But I was able to bunch my words and get to the pint for each paragraph. This writing is different from what we’ve done in the past because we wrote the historical fiction and we usually don’t have any word restrictions. |
Op-Ed Reflection and Final CartoonCaught In Web Lies Mila’ Snow
Beaten, raped, drugged into submission, the girls of the sex trafficking ring all around the world, have gone through unimaginable pain. This pain was enforced by a man who they thought loved them. Before the internet became more user-friendly, the pimps were forcing the girls to walk the streets and sell themselves ‘door-to-door’. Five years ago, you would see scantily-clad women at bus stops and street corners in the big city, with burly men a few yards away, watching and waiting. But now all the trading is happening over the internet, and the girls are hidden behind locked doors. A pimp, by definition, is a man who controls prostitutes and arranges clients, and then proceeds to take a large percentage from the earnings. They are abusive, cruel and always ready to punish a girl who doesn’t reach her quota. Shelia McGlane, a previous prostitute, quoted “You have a quota and if you don’t make the quota, then that usually means you’re gonna get your head busted.”(Frundt) The way the girls meet their quota is when their pimps sells them to men, who are also known as ‘Johns.’ As the web of technology has spread and grown throughout the corners of the world, pimps have been tricking and selling their girls a whole new way. Before the internet was an option for trading girls illegally, there were street corners and dark alleyways. There were still pimps, but they watched or had some workers watch all their girls from a distance, making sure the girls were creating a profit and not . The girls all have set prices on what they offer, when any man asks. But there are hidden dangers in the dark of night, especially for the girls. "Every time you get into a car you know anything can happen. You can get raped, you can get killed, you have all different types of people out here," explained a prostitute named Audrey.” (Joseph, pg. 3). Most of the girls had been forced into the profession because of human trafficking, entering at the age of 16 or 17. But they leave the prostitution life less often than the male counterparts. In America, not all prostitution is illegal anymore, with 22 states having legal brothels that are regulated. A brothel is a place when many people come to have sex with a prostitute. But for legal or cultural reasons establishments may describe themselves as massage parlors, bars, and strip clubs or by some other description. Sex work in a brothel is considered safer than street prostitution. Most of the legal brothels are placed Nevada, with a large number of 29. One of the more well-known brothels is the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, run by a man named Dennis Hof. All of the girls had the choice to work at the brothel, making more money than their old jobs. “You know what? Before this, I was a manager in a restaurant. I probably don’t need to tell you that I make a lot more money here at the Ranch than I did back there. I choose the hours I work and it’s much more fun than having to deal with customers pissed off about lukewarm onion rings. (anotherworldblog.wordpress.com) Where the trading is happening, that is the real question. When the trafficking was first making its move towards the internet, many pimps turned to Craigslist.com to advertise their ‘merchandise’. Craigslist finally shut down their Adult section after many run-ins with the police. When that happened, Backpage.com got a larger increase in ads placed in their Adult section. Charging only $5.00 per ad, they were making it almost too easy to buy and sell the girls. "You could go to Craigslist, you could open your yellow pages, you could see pages and pages of ads, escort agencies and massage parlors," explained Rachel Lloyd, executive director of Girls' Educational Mentoring Services of New York City, a group that specializes in rescuing underage girls who enter the sex world.” (Joseph, pg. 1) To go along with the new advertising, they had an easier payment method. “The Johns are now using a non-traditional payment system, which makes it harder to track down who bought who. This method includes pre-paid cards, where the buyer doesn’t have to leave any personal information.” An FBI Agent reported in an interview done by NPR. As the web has become easier to access, so have the girls who are being prostituted. Even with prostitution becoming illegal all over the world, many states in America have been legalizing it and creating brothels. This is creating more girls who are being dragged into the sex trafficking life, sometimes without even realizing it. In the end, is it worth the girl’s innocence for money. |
Project ReflectionAll the way back in October, Stephen had brought us on a fieldtrip to the Ignacio history museum to listen to Rod Grove talk about his time in Vietnam. This is how Stephen introduced the Vietnam Veteran project to us. To get us fully prepared for how scary the war was, we had to read the book The Things They Carried. We only had to read about three different stories, but I feel like they were the best chapters to prepare all of us for the hardships that the soldiers went through. Leading up to the interviews, we got our groups and our roles. Stephen had the communicator and the logistics person write out a script on what to say to the veteran. After that, the most stress was placed on the communicator to keep in contact with the veteran and get any information for before the interview. The question making wasn’t that hard, it was just hard to make open-ended questions. I actually really enjoyed interviewing Calixto and leading the interview. When all the interviews were done, Stephen started teaching us all about where the fights in Vietnam, and some important events, such as the Gulf of Tonkin. The in-class writing happened about a month ago and we have been editing it until last Friday. Finally, we exhibited all of our work and I brought some letters and photos from my grandfather.
As I mentioned in the previous paragraph, each group had three different roles that you could have; technology, communicator and logistics. In my own group, Al was technology, Oli was logistics and I was communicator. When we were first choosing what we wanted, I put technology as last, and communicator as second. I really didn’t want to interview or talked to anyone. When I learned that I was communicator, I was a little worried about having to talk to the veteran that we were receiving. After thinking about switching my role, it struck me that I was a person that was very charismatic and could get people comfortable with me. We can thank my dad for that wonderful trait. I was also getting more comfortable talking to my veteran through email. Something that has stuck with me is seeing a grown man cry about something that happened many years ago. It’s almost scary seeing a 65-70 year old man break down. I felt, to be honest, weird. I don’t know what to do when people start to cry and then after he left, Oli broke down and both Al and I didn’t know what to do. The historical thinking skill that I struggled with the most was probably ‘Reading the Silences’ because it’s more difficult for me to think about the hidden text or hidden messages in between the lines. Trying to over-come the issue of not being able to read between the lines was challenging. I kept having to ask Savannah if what I said made sense or what she had understood from the text. Most of the time she would have her headphones in and I would be talking to myself. But the small amount of time that she would be listening, Savannah helped clear up any confusion that I had. I’m not exactly sure why this thinking skill was difficult for me, maybe because I have a mind that uses very straight forward thinking, and looking for clarification just doesn’t work. But, the historical thinking skill that came easiest to me was ‘Close Reading’ because I could easily tell what the perspective of the author was. For one or two documents, it was a little harder than just reading once, but I would look for specific clues. Some clues include if the speaker had said “Viet Nam” then they were probably from the US. I am being completely truthful in saying that I didn’t make any major revisions to my Tonkin paper. I did revise it, but my mind was shutting down from stress put on the paper. I know this just sound like an excuse but studies have actually showed that the mind will temporarily shut down if it is put in a highly stressful situation. You might start smirking or rubbing your hands together, expecting some more smart-alec comments to come forward about the critiquing process, but I actually used most of the critiquing. When we first tried the new critiquing process, I really didn’t think that our class would get it right the first time, and I was right. But after Stephen re-did the handout and explained it more simply, we got it down. Finally, I just wanted to say that Stephen was one of the best student-teachers that I have ever had and wanted to wish him good-luck getting a job at Animas. You have my vote! |
Gulf of Tonkin Even though the US Government had said that the attack on the Maddox had been unprovoked, with compelling historical evidence demonstrates the North Vietnamese were responding in self defense.
The US Government had been telling the citizens that this attack had been completely unprovoked, just the Vietnamese had been firing at them for no reason. They also had said that they were in neutral waters. The view on the Vietnamese had been shaped by the White House and what they had been saying. In Document 2, an NBC journalist had asked, “What explanations, then, can you come up for this unprovoked attack?” Most of the American media reported what the government told them, but this was an unusual question. The Secretary of State Dean Rusk was just saying the information that he had gotten from the government. “There is a great gulf of understanding between that world and our world, ideological in character. They see what we think of as the real world in wholly different terms.” (Document 2). The idea of innocence was already in the public’s brain, only three days after the alleged attack. The US Government had brainwashed the public so that we believe that the North Vietnamese had just been going after our peaceful ship. The government was the only place that you could receive any news on the war, and they used that power. They would only let the information that they wanted the public to know. They decided what the public was fit enough to see, and used this power over both America and Vietnam. The US had been waiting for the Vietnamese to attack so that they could push fully into the war. “Publicly, administration officials were unwilling to admit that the U.S Navy destroyers may have been engaged in proactive military action against action North Vietnam… A day before the White House began a public campaign arguing that the attack was ‘unprovoked’.” (Document 3). This was almost as if the fights hadn’t been unprovoked. President Johnson said, “There have been some covert operations in that area that we have been carrying on- blowing up some bridges, and things of that kid, roads and so forth.” (Document 3). I bet when this conversation was leaked, that President Johnson was extremely angry and many people lost respect for him. He was almost admitting to bothering Vietnam and causing them to finally crack and attack. But what really had happened on August 2nd, 1964 in the Gulf of Tonkin? The USS Maddox was indeed attacked but the Vietnamese were justifiable. The spokesman of the Vietnam People’s Army High Commander had said, “… The U.S imperialist again sent a destroyer to encroach upon North Vietnam’s territorial waters in Quang Binh province… To intimidate fishing boats of our people, openly infringing upon our territorial waters.” (Document 9). He was saying that the US ships were traveling around their territorial waters and creating fear in the villagers. The patrol ships that were a part of the attack were just trying to chase the ships out of the gulf and then go back to their patrols. In Document 7, they were the cables from the commander of the Maddox. “Entire action leaves many doubts except for apparent ambush at beginning. Suggest thorough reconnaissance in daylight by aircraft. Details of action present a confusing picture although certain that the original ambush was bona fide.” The commander, Captain Herrick, sent this at 2:27 AM August 4th, 1964. Then his next cable was at 6 PM that same day, just saying that the Vietnamese might have launched a torpedo but it was doubtful. The captain had mentioned that the t Without the Gulf of Tonkin incident, the President wouldn’t have been able to gain any military strength and the approval of Congress to go forward with the war. |
Creative Historian ResearchWe didn’t just jump into writing our stories, Lori and Stephen just prepped us. First we started to read All Quiet on the Western Front to get us better understanding what these men went through. Then, they taught us good researching skills, which websites to use and how to properly use this information. After that we began to brainstorm and start our own stories. But they didn’t let us completely off the leash, making us have to fill out loads of papers that involved; plot, character, word usage and story outlining. By the end, we were all fiction writing experts. Finally, the teachers let us loose and we wrote for an entire week (including the weekend). After that week, we were heavily critiqued by our peers and teachers, and then had to revise. The third and final week was exhibition prep and then the exhibition on Thursday.
I would have to say that my best literary strength is show don’t tell. For example, “Danny just growled under his breath, tipping his head back and downing the pills in on gulp.” This example shows details that I could of either shown with details or just tell the reader. This element helps the readers get a better visual when I just describe what they are doing or seeing. Out of all the literary elements that we studied, my weakest one was historical integration. This was hard for me because when I write, I don’t think about including historical detail. Even when I am told to, it doesn’t sink in that I have to. Also, I wasn’t really interested in adding anything about World War One. But I listened to all the critiques that I received and added in some more historical content. For my story, a lot of revisions were made to it, especially towards the end of writing. Two substantial revisions that I made were I added one more historical detail, the Christmas Truce and I took out a hospital scene with a pretty nurse who took care of my main character. But I decided that it was to sweet and normal so I took it out. |
My Story |